


Fairy Tales Are For Suckers

by orphan_account



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:52:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twisted, hopefully humorous, fairy tales starring Seth and Kate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairy Tales Are For Suckers

**Author's Note:**

> Rescuing princesses isn't easy.

Once upon a time, in a land far away…

Well, it's not that far. Few weeks ride in a carriage, really. It's very scenic. Castles and such to visit along the way. Beautiful countryside, lovely towns, etc. Stay away from the Evil Swamp. I don't know why it's evil. But there has to be a reason for the name.

I digress.

Once upon a time, in a land some distance away…

Prince Seth is not quite sure the reason for all this armor he's wearing. It's heavy and cumbersome. The metal clanks when he walks. Polished to a brilliant shine, the surface only serves to blind him at the most inopportune time. The joints pinch and the helmet gives him a headache.

He stops at a large tree and leans against it, surveying his surroundings. Nothing looks familiar. Which is just as well, he's never been in this part of the magical forest. He's most definitely not lost though. He just needs to check his map real quick. Patting his sides for his knapsack, he realizes he'd placed it on his horse.

Which the dragon ate. In one big bite. Hooves and all. He'd loved that horse. Well, as much as anyone could love an animal that bit and kicked him whenever the mood struck it.

Actually, fuck that horse. And the dragon it'd been eaten by. Stupid, mythical beast had melted his favorite shield and nearly singed his hair.

Where is he?

Right. Not lost.

Prince Seth just needs to find a tall, ivory tower in the middle of a magical forest. How many of those could be around?

Wherever it is, he's not going to do it sweating to death in armor. He takes off his gauntlets and throws them to the ground. Much better, he thinks as he clenches and unclenches his fists. He starts unbuckling the straps holding his chest plate together, wondering where his squire had run off to.

Oh. The damn dragon had eaten him as well. It'd been horrible. Lots of chomping, screaming, and squelching. Blood everywhere.

He shudders. Terrible way to go.

But squires are a dime a dozen. He'll advertise for a new one as soon as he gets back from this ridiculous quest. Rescuing fair maidens isn't easy, but it pays the bills.

Armor removed, he feels freer. Less sweaty and weighed down. He looks up to see a field across the way.

Wait.

That hadn’t been there before. He's sure of it. Rubbing his jaw, he contemplates the empty field before shrugging and moving toward it. Maybe it'll give him a better view of the forest.

He slams into a protection shield at the edge of the grass.

“Really?” He asks the sky.

No problem. His sword is magical and capable of breaking even the strongest of spells. Now where did he put his sword?

That goddamn dragon! He had left it stuck in its belly. Son of a bitch!

This is fine. Just a slight wrinkle in his plans. Prince Seth has way more tricks up his sleeve. He's not going to give up like the others. They didn't give up so much as die by dragon, but the dumb thing is dead and he's made of sterner stuff. He'll get past this obstacle too.

He knocks on the protection shield as he thinks. A hollow gong echoes throughout the forest. There's always some kind of incantation that will open these things. _Abra cadabra_ , _Open Sesame_ …

Just as he decides to utter one of them, there's a loud pop and the ward vanishes to reveal the ivory tower he's looking for.

Finally, something going his way.

He approaches the base and looks up. One lone window at the top is all he sees. He walks around the tower, feeling the walls for an opening. He returns to where the window is. No door either.

Who puts a tall tower in the middle of a magical forest with no entry? Probably the same psychopath who had unleashed a dragon to protect it. He makes a note to kill that person later.

Something drops on his head and he bats it away. He does not scream like a girl, let's get that straight. He's just startled is all. Besides it’s the tail end of a bedsheet. Connected to more bedsheets, leading up to the window.

Prince Seth frowns as a foot appears out of the window. And then another. Followed by some legs. Soon a whole body is shimmying down the makeshift rope. A girl body.

What the hell?

He must have said it out loud because the girl squeals and looks down. “Who are you?” She asks, clutching to the bedsheets. “What're you doing here?”

“Prince Seth,” he replies. “I'm here to rescue the princess.”

“Oh,” she says. “What took you so long? And why aren't you wearing your armor?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“I specifically asked for a knight in shining armor,” she answers as she climbs down. “Where's your majestic steed?”

“Wearing armor in the middle of summer is a death trap. And my horse is in the belly of a dragon,” he replies. “You hired me?”

“Well, yes,” she says as if she's talking to a simpleton. “How else am I going to get rescued?”

“You just rescued yourself.”

“I got tired of waiting,” she shrugs. “You took forever. I gave specific instructions on the map on I drew.”

“It was on my horse,” he shouts. “Inside a dead dragon. Along with my squire and my sword.”

“A magical one to break the protection spell?”

“Yes,” he hisses.

“Oh.” She looks down, biting her lip, and then back up. “Sorry.”

“Sorry? That's all you have to say?”

“Um, yes?”

It's hard to be angry at such an adorable face. Prince Seth sighs, “Apology accepted.”

He turns and walks away.

“Is that it?” She calls out.

He looks back. “Yes, Princess…?”

“Kate,” she answers.

“You hired someone to rescue you. I’ve fulfilled my duty." Technically she'd rescued herself, but there's no point in arguing semantics with all the trouble he's been through. "We are done.”

“But what about my kingdom?”

“What about it?”

“It's in turmoil. I need to return to the castle and reclaim my throne.”

He laughs, “That's in the extra package. You didn't ask for that.”

He walks away again only for her to run up alongside him. “Where are you going?” She questions.

“Home to get paid and cleaned up,” he replies. “See if there're any others quests that need to be completed.”

“So is this your occupation?”

“What's that?”

“Rescuing princesses, fighting dragons, and the like.”

He nods, “I earn a good living. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was just wondering…” She stops and looks away. “You said your squire is dead.”

“I did.”

“And I'm not really doing anything right now.”

“What about your kingdom?”

“It'll still be there, I assume. It's not as if I'd make a better ruler anyway. I've been stuck in that tower for a long time.”

“Is there a point to this?” he says with a smirk.

Princess Kate huffs but smiles at him. “Want some company?”

He thinks for a moment.

“Yeah.”

And they had lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
